Well

So this isn't exactly a finish this one sort of thing but rather just something i want to get off my chest. I'm not a nice person, i have faults, i make mistakes and most of the time I'm a bitch. I apologise for this and many of you who are my friend know that even though I'm not the nicest of person I'm still a good friend, I'm there for you, we make jokes together and we laugh together. However i don't understand how you think that everything i do was especially targeted for you, to destroy you, to hurt you. You know what you think that me losing you was a huge mistake, well that's bullshit cause look at me, i don't give a damn that we aren't friend, i don't care that we aren't tight and most importantly if you would look at yourself in the mirror and see what you have become then you'll know that your worse, you're turning into a monster, your pulling other people down too. All those 'friends' of your will leave you but you'll never know how to regain them because you would have already locked yourself in a box filled with anger, insecurities and tears. Stop already, you think that this makes you a better person it really doesn't. Well this is it, we aren't friends, you can post shit about me on the Internet, i don't care, I'll carrying on in my life and u can carry on being not yourself.
Thank you though for still have been my friend
xxxx
farewell

New blog, new beginning

Hiya
I'm changing this blog, so if you dont know i have a tumblr so follow me there for all the personal stuff but i'm changing this blog to something totally new and exciting.
If you dont know, i'm quite a writer, i have written around 10 unfinished stories. What i've decided to do is i'll post them here and if anyone out in the Internet is bored you can finish them, in any way you like and want then Post i back to me or something. I don't care how you write it, i just want to see what creative people there are out there =)
anyways
Tumblr:http://ifuseekme.tumblr.com/

2010 welcome

Currently listening to: sorry sorry, answer-Super Junior

Heyas it's Jess
hasn't really blogged for a while
i just came back from China

nothing much happen
as mentioned previously i don't have a very exciting life
so yeah
adios
xxx

Jess=]

Giving up isn't the only option

Currently listening to: She Was Mine by Jesse Barrera and AJ Rafael

Heya, Jess here
haven't really written for a long while now
tomorrow I'll be heading off to China, normally a rush of excitement fills me during this time. however not this year, this year, i feel

nothing

So yeah, i don't know what to write anymore, it's like I've lost the strength to be able to simple things in life these days. Just keeping my eyes open seem like a hard task.

I guess i have become way more suicidal now than i was in the past, but I'm sure ill survive since I'm alive this day, it means that i was able to conquer my urges to suicide

H.O.P.E

Getting back on track

currently listening to: G.O.O.D Love by MBLAQ

Heya blog world, Jess here
why do we steal?
is it to satisfy ourselves? or is it just because we really really need that thing
the worst kind of stealing is stealing your best friend's boyfriend
why would anyone do such a horrible thing?
Girls are like animals when it comes to love, if the boys shouldn't belong to you why can't you just move on?
I've herd because someone believe their best friend's boyfriend should've been theirs, they didn't even attend her best friends wedding.
silly isn't it?

So I've realised if i like someone, sometimes i need to know when the time comes, i should let go no cling on and hope maybe one day he'll realise me and work out we were meant to be
i went to a wedding yesterday, i watched as two people became one and expressed their love and joy to each other
do u know when u agree to marry someone, you set the biggest promise ever made in your life?
no lying, full honesty, totally trust in each other, together till death
do u know when i listened to these, i realised how hard these things actually were and even though right now i would never be able to say i do
but when the moment comes, and I've found my one and only, would saying i do be easier?


Sometimes you just need to be reminded to move on, and no longer cling on to the past
I'm at the crossroad where I'm wondering should i move on, or maybe i just can't forget the past
life isn't easy
xxxx


=]Jess

Maybe we are meant to be?

currently listening to: I was crazy about you - 2pm

heyaaaas, so yeah it's me Jess =)
if u haven't noticed, i got a tumblr
so yeah if u have one follow me =)

the truth is i can't let go of love
the devil definitely controls me when it comes to love
i want him to let go, i don't want to feel pain every time i get rejected
Why do i speak of this
well i like a new guy
because the old one decided to get a gf and fill his freaking msn with her name and their Love for each other, yes it disturbs me, deeply!

well who is this guy, i don't know
but I'm sure he's out there and waiting
hopefully
yeah, life's pretty depressing

hmmm what to write about
i wish i was as creative and happy as David
then I'll have this awesome long blog about happy things in my life
but i don't have any
so yeah
the end?
xxx


=]Jess

Love save the empty

Currently listening to: Try - Asher Book

sup lahh to the people who are actually bothered to read this shit blog =)
Nothing much has really happened really
I've finally made my mind that i need to stop worry about my love life
in other words
I'm facing the fact that i don't really have one
.........

So yeah this guy that likes me called me on Friday
i didn't want to pick up but i did
so the thing was my friend was prank calling people on my phone
and she called him
bu he didn't pick up
so yeah he kept calling me back
and i was like no don't stop STOP!
but i picked up
he has a really sexy voice
but he has a ugly face =P

When i said i would do anything to get you
i wasn't prepared
it was silly really
looking back on it i think i t was like a mega LOL moment
but yeah
i wish one day you'll realise i was there and just let me know

thankyou
I'm done
I'm bored
I'm tired
I'm leaving
xxxxx



=]Jess

Remember back in the days.....

Currently listening to: The Leaders - G-Dragon ft Cl and Teddy

Heya, Jess here reporting from planet i forgot it's name
So yeah today is the last day of holidays
tomorrow resembles the start of school/exams/stress/death!
therefore i may not survive so i thought I'll cram in one more post before i exploded and no longer exist in this world of mine

I spend the last two weeks meeting new people, seeing old ones and studying
i spent them tired, happy, depressed and hopeful
however thinking back on them all i feeling is disappointment
disappointment on things i said and didn't say
on memories i could or couldn't have
my holidays were filled with a;agn;sadkbnwoir[asfdl;ldfknglskdnapsdok

So on Saturday i meet up with him = ex crush
i don't know but when i want to like someone
i do really quickly
when i made my mind to forget them, i do so quickly too
however i cannot stand seeing their face again
cause i know once i do, i will like them again
and this time i will fall even harder
and it did happen
i haven't seen him for like 9 months
I've forgotten about him and moved on to others
but once i see his face again
i realised I've never really gotten over him, ever

Like i say
I'm just a depressed child
that no body really likes but my mummy and my family =)
and at this moment, I'm pretty happy with that
ahaha kekekekkeke ahahaha
yeah
bye bye
xxxxxx


=]Jess

Dreams catch me as i fall

Currently listening to: Try - Asher Brook

Heyyyy this is Jess =)

"If i walk would you run

If i stop would you come

If i say you're the one would you believe me

If i ask you to stay would you show me the way

Tell me what to say so you don't leave me

The world is catching up to you

While your running away to chase your dream

It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change

And maybe I'm not ready

But I'm trying for your love

I can hide up above

I will try for your love

We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song would you sing along

Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull

If i give you my heart would you just play the part

Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful

Am i catching up to you

While your running away, to chase your dreams

It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change

And maybe i'm not ready"

I found some really nice lyrics thought that maybe i should share with you =)

My dad left today
Though i don't know what time
i could feel it in my heart
like a knife cutting something away, ripping it out
it hurt, i felt it
but the truth is i don't love my dad
i'm constantly angry at him, for being him and doing what he did
but then i become angry at myself for being angry at him
i know, complicated much?

He lied to me this time
he didn't dare tell me
to disappoint me again
that he had chosen his job and his position over me
that he rather stay in China
making lots of money instead of staying with me
his visa to be a permanent resident in Australia expired
he gave up a chance to be with me whenever up
i give up on him too.

They say you shouldn't be afraid to dream
but my dreams just might destroy us
xxxx


=]Jess

Redemption song

Currently listening to: Won't even start - David Choi

Hey, short one today
i keep feeling theres nothing to life
that it's pointless to go outside and be happy
Sometimes i wish i was going to die soon
then i might be bothered to live life

xxxx

Yes, Even Stars Break

Currently listening to - Why i like you by Super junior

Herro everyone
Well I'm here in Bowral on a farm doing farm things
and
sleeping way more than i should
however I'm actually having a good time
but i do miss my mum =(

Whats new in my life?
umm well once again I'm watching the person i like like someone else
and
I'm also helping him to get her
stupid i know
real stupid
but relationship this age generally don't work out so i do tend to try and stay away from them since they don't benefit me in anyway and i don't need the stress and extra load
*sigh*

Yearlies are coming up and i need to study harder
so I'm trying to fit dad time + meeting friends + cramming fro exams + sleep into 2 weeks
I'm not super omen but i think i might be able to do it
just maybe =)
so yeah that's all for now i think
i might have forgot somethings but
meh
cbf right now =)
love u guys =)
xxxxx

=] Jess

If you dare, propose to me in Hawaii =)

Currently listening to: Bulletproof - La Roux


Heya, i was going to apologize for not posting fro a long time then i realise nobody pretty much reads this so yeah no point hey?
So anything new?
not really
anything old?
yeah, i was sitting in Lance Cove like i do and i walk pass a couple (i think they were), then i thought wow, teenagers really love to snogg.
Then guess what the boy was Jack Howard
If you don't know who he is, and i didn't expect you too, he was my primary school crush
i don't like him now
but wow seeing him after 3 years...................man has he changed???

So i really don't want to say this but i have boy troubles
what do you call a person who still likes a person after knowing they already have a gf and will not like you?
Jessica Jin =)
so i can't let him go. Sometimes i think maybe he will realise I'm here and stop telling me about all the girls he likes, and ask me how to help him get them. Whats even worse is that i do help him get them.
I'm really a sad child
Maybe there's help out there for me?
NAH!!
=)

So daddy and Grandma came making me slightly happier
also to add i think I've found a new friend i can trust if he lets me =)
PONYO!!!
xxxx


=]Jess

New Seasons bring with them new faces

Currently listening to: Sexy in here - Ne-Yo

Harro, this is Jess
So I've become really obsessed with a thing called colour splash
this is when a picture is in black and white apart from one thing or more than one that's like the focus point
they look really cool =)

=)))))

Anyways i got a really bad maths result so i was like really pissed
but then i talked to my friend and she made me feel better
then i went home and became depressed again
then i felt happy because my mum fed me
then i went on the computer and remembered my maths mark and became depressed again =)
i have such a great life =)

So i was face with a big decision today
My English teacher wants us to enter the creative writing comp
but i suck at creative writing
i really mean it
so i was like, ummmm okayyyy ill try my best
the topic was
inspiration
the problem is, i have none
i spent the whole lesson looking up random stuff
listening to Korean music
writing a piece on year 12 students
deleting that
restarting to write some random stuff on bitches
then deleted that
so pretty much, i ended up with a blank piece of paper
very helpful huh??
so i waited the whole lesson for the inspiration to hit me
but it didn't
sigh
didn't have a very good day =(
xxxx


=]Jess

Time and time again i fail

Currently listening to : Hide and seek - Imogen Heap

Hey there cyber world.
Currently my house is a whole of darkness and silence
it use to be a ball of fun and loudness
let me tell you what happened
My auntie and her two kids moved away
Yay
But
Nay
cause our house is so silent it's creepy

Hmmm what is there to talk about
well I've been inspired to drop Japanese next year and pick up Textiles because i really want to make clothing and things like that
since I'm doing crap in Jap there's no point in wasting a subject like that so yeah
But I'm determined to work really hard because i really want to do well in my year 12 works

On a sad note
Park Ja Beom
Leader of 2pm has officially left JYP entertainment and returned but to Seattle
Why?
Because of a stupid thing of the past
Jay's past comments on Myspace stating he hated Korean
made antis go made and forced him to leave JYP
if i could say one thing to the antis it would be
FUCK OFFF
i really love Jay and i believe dearly that he will come back =)


i miss you <3

anyways
nothing else really
if u haven't realised i haven't been posting as much
that's because my life really isn't that interesting
i only post when my life becomes interesting =)
ciao ciao
xxxx


=]Jess

216 <3

Currently listening to: Leaving tonight - NeYo ft Jennifer Hudson

Hi, It's been a while
so I'm not as creative, not as interesting, not as cool and funky as the other bloggers out there
so reading my blog could cause serious boredom to your whole body and soul
but if your ready for it, read on =]

i realised the last time i wrote was back in July, long time, long time
So lets start with something interesting
on 14th August i officially turned 15, yep old but true
i don't know why but i starting to fear getting older and closer to year 12
i hope i can do well, I'm so worried that i wont
So i was on facebook and my Friend posted this
when doing a test think of the worst possible outcome, because the outcome you get will be so much better than that, i totally agree with that =]

So I've semi decided what i want to do in the future
I want to be a Zoo Vet working at Taroonga Zoo =]
I'm pretty sure this could change anytime because well the future is pretty far from now =]

bye bye for now
nothing else to say it there ?
xxxx


Jess =]

Happy moments are truly priceless

Currently listening to: One more time - Daft Punk

Hiya, Jess here,
i havent really written in here for a while now because well its the holidays and I'm 'relaxing' or trying to.

So here's run down of my holiday
week 1 - sat home did nothing
week 2 - went skiing !!!
week 3 - semi worked and semi did nothing
movies seen - Harry Potter, the proposal, transformers (best movie ever) and i think that's it =]

not very interesting huh
school starts tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it =[ but yeah it's my duty as a teenager to attend school (says mum)

nothing to write about
so I'll go
bye
xxxxx


=]Jess

....

He didn't come

Timeless, truly timeless =]

currently listening to: 거짓말이야-space cowboy

Hello, Jess here
tomorrow is the last youf of the term, if i see him, I'll continue to like him, but if he doesn't turn up, i could give up AKA be really hurt.
At this age when your heart broken there's not much things you could do. You can't drink or pick a fight like they do in movies but you can cry, with all honesty and truth you can cry out your pain your sorrow. Sometimes that is the easiest way to forget that painful memory.

Over time I've learned to be alone and to be use to pain so i no longer cry out when I'm in pain-sad =(

So anyways nothing has happened, i went and saw the proposal and man is Ryan Reynolds hot or what? Seriously he is one cutie, too bad he's like married to stupid Scarlett Johansson. Also he is kinda 33 years old but hell I'll date him any day =P
Hot right?

I've totally realised how big of a hottie Taemin from Shinee has become like seriously he is one charming boy with his piano, dancing, singing skills he is one to look out for (when I'm in Korea) lol

But he should really gain some weight =]

Nest Wednesday I'm heading down to the snow, wish me good luck and pray that i don't do anything too embarrassing and there will be lots of hot boys =P
I'm so desperate
xxxx
=]Jess

Fate.Luck.Wish

Currently listening to: Fallin for you - Colbie Caillat

Hey hey, Jess here
i realise after not having this link on my MSN, I've forgotten that i have a a blog
Holidays have arrived and well i have nothing to do. I'm currently job hunting so if anyone knows a place which needs people to work there then contact me =]
So mum says that if i don't touch the piano again i will have to sell it, the truth is i don't like playing the piano for grades but for fun, i love it. The problem is i don't know what to play, i don't want to play classical Mozart or something like that, i want something fun and happy to play. I find one of these songs once in a while but the trouble is i never finish it. Cause they are always a love song, i don't have that emotion to finish the piece, I don't know love.

Love, yes, what is it? There is actually no definition in the world that can truly describe what love is. But everyone knows it's one of the best feelings in the world and everyone wants a piece of it. It's like the ultimate pizza that everyone likes. But we can't, love isn't found i reckon. I think you need to really fight and earn people's love, to work for it, not receive it casually cause then you will never truly understand what love is.

One tear drop per second by K.Will is a great song, i realise i really like K.Will's voice. Also Chung Lim has one of the most sexy deep voices that are to die for =]
xxxx


=]Jess